I am a terrible panicker. I do not know if English dictionary carries this word but if it did, I would utterly justify it to the core. I have this creepy habit of constantly worrying. I worry about all things small and big. My dear friends always find comfort in knowing that I do their share of worrying while they calmly relax.
Well, as amusing as it sounds for others, it is a constant headache for me as I am losing out on valuable relationships to the point of driving them away somewhere far and literally untraceable by me. After one such recent event, I just stepped back a little and realized why I am doing what I am doing. All these constant battles with worries stem from my lack of sense of purpose and my wide range of scary insecurities. Whoo! Insecurities is the term I was trying to avoid all through my life and I'm rather spellbound as to how silently they've creeped into my life. I was so hell bent on saving relationships, that I did not realize that I was suffocating the people I love the most. I was not giving them their breathing space. People who once were madly in love with me are now making excuses to avoid me. Maybe that is the last strong slap I needed right in my face to wake up to reality.
It took me a day's introspection and constant meditation to realize that I worry too much about things that are yet to happen. I realize now that I cannot force the outcome of any event. If it is meant to be, it will be. No matter what. So, why ruin the peace of today worrying about the uncertainties of tomorrow. So, I am going to have a strong cup of chai, relax and let tomorrow unveil its surprises for me at its own sweet pace while I enjoy the best of what today has in store for me. In the meantime, if I go berserk again, I leave it to my determined friends to instill some sense into my thick skulled head by slapping the living crap out of me :)
Well, as amusing as it sounds for others, it is a constant headache for me as I am losing out on valuable relationships to the point of driving them away somewhere far and literally untraceable by me. After one such recent event, I just stepped back a little and realized why I am doing what I am doing. All these constant battles with worries stem from my lack of sense of purpose and my wide range of scary insecurities. Whoo! Insecurities is the term I was trying to avoid all through my life and I'm rather spellbound as to how silently they've creeped into my life. I was so hell bent on saving relationships, that I did not realize that I was suffocating the people I love the most. I was not giving them their breathing space. People who once were madly in love with me are now making excuses to avoid me. Maybe that is the last strong slap I needed right in my face to wake up to reality.
It took me a day's introspection and constant meditation to realize that I worry too much about things that are yet to happen. I realize now that I cannot force the outcome of any event. If it is meant to be, it will be. No matter what. So, why ruin the peace of today worrying about the uncertainties of tomorrow. So, I am going to have a strong cup of chai, relax and let tomorrow unveil its surprises for me at its own sweet pace while I enjoy the best of what today has in store for me. In the meantime, if I go berserk again, I leave it to my determined friends to instill some sense into my thick skulled head by slapping the living crap out of me :)
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