Letting go...

Why does letting go of certain people or things become so difficult? Why cannot we be practical and assess the pros and cons of a situation and let go of people for heavens' sake?

I am a specimen or an antique piece or whatever you call and I feel no shame or regret or remorse in accepting that fact.

I sometimes feel that its better to love materialistic goods and animals or plants than caring for or loving fellow human beings. At least these goods and pets do not have the uncanny ability of making you feel worse or dejected or terrible still guilty.

Why is wanting people in your life such a bad thing? You meet someone, have the deepest of feelings for them and they reciprocate the same but....yes, there is always a but....either they are taken or you are. Despite knowing that you are perfect for each other...you tend to look for ways to back out. Why do we do that? Is it the fear of shunning that you would experience from the society or the fear within...that you would grow up, once that person walks into your life?

I, at this altar in my life have 2 roads to choose... and I think I have made up my mind this time...and there is no place for regrets or remorse later.

Revenge

Getting cheated hurts and more so, if its the one we love who cheats us. The pain and agony is indescribable.
People ask us to move on, but moving on is not easy. The memories haunt us day in and out. Its not so much about the person but the pain they have bestowed upon us that hurts us more.

All have asked me to forgive and get on with my life but I cannot seem to. Why should I forgive him for what he has done? He has traumatized and scarred me for life and how can I simply let him go without even making an attempt to make him suffer? I am not the old sati savitri types. I want my justice and he has to pay for his deeds.

There was a time when he made me question my sanity. I was so in love with him that I believed every word he ever uttered and the end point was he made me a sacrificial sheep and for that I cannot ever forgive him.

I never wanted to see someone hurt in all my life but I want him hurt and hurt bad. Him, his sister, his mother....all the people who made me suffer, I wish they fall in the same pit they pushed me into.

Its been bloody 3 years and I still am unable to get out of the trauma. I think I will get my peace of mind only when he is punished for his deeds. Why is that the people who are so close to me seem to ignore this very fact. Why should I be patient? Has 3 years brought any change in his attitude? He is the same old jackass that he always was and there is not going to be any change in the future as well.

I need closure. I need comfort. I need peace. Period. All of it only can be attained only if he pays for what he has done to me. The very thought of his punishment brings a smile onto my face and I can feel the old me returning back to me. Who says revenge is bad? I say its justice, not revenge. And he very well deserves what I have laid out for him and his family. God I hate him with all my heart and soul and I wish he and the people associated with him face the worst kind of pain possible.

Amen!!

What inspires me.

'if' by rudyard kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

Learning to love my life!

Live life your way. All you get is one life. So, make the best of the time you have got on this earth. Life is like a bubble...it might burst any single minute. So pick your socks up and get ready to live every moment of it.

Life throws pebbles at you sometimes when you least expect them but that's how it is! Life is full of surprises. Some good, some bad, some terribly ugly...but try to salvage the situation and make the best of whats left of it.

Stop trying to impress anyone...as rude as it sounds... they're not worth it and its the fact. Live life for your own self. Please your self and love your self and if you are unable to be happy with your self you cant make others happy as well.

Militha, do what you think is right for you. Stop living for others. Start living life and your own way this time!

To be free!

I wish to be free..
Free like a bird...
No bondages
No responsibilities
Free to explore
Free to create a new me
Free to travel
Free to write
No one chaining me down from achieving new heights or experimenting with new things
I want to live
live life my way
Make mistakes
Fall and rise back again
Need no one holding me back
Need no one showing me down
I need life back, my own terms!

Lunch at Alex's Kitchen

I've been to Alex's kitchen to have my lunch along with my brother and a mutual friend. First of all, the standard of the place has dropped a notch down. Its definitely not the same what it was some couple of years ago.

Since I am doing pooja and am not allowed to eat non-vegetarian, I chose a vegetarian meal and opted for Fried wontons for starters and boiled noodles with hot veg for my main course. My brother and friend opted for chicken corn soup and chicken drumsticks and for main they have gone for American chopsuey non-veg.

To begin with, the wontons were over fried and were dripping of oil. Since, we were very hungry we did not ask for a replacement. The soup was not exceptional either. My main was alright and so were the drumsticks and american chopsuey. Over all, a very pathetic meal. Guess, I am not going back there again :(


Food: 1.5/5
Service:3/5
Value for money:1/5
Bill for 3:572 Rs

Verdict: For the money I shelled out, I would definitely get a better meal in other restaurants offering chinese. So, I am not going back to Alex's kitchen again and if I have to, then I am going for very safe choices.

Taking control of my life!

Why does suddenly everybody become an expert on your life? They think thet its their birth right to comment/judge every little turn you take in your life. God, it pisses me to my core of being that people can be this conniving and lame.

Please people take a back step and give me my breathing space. Do realize that I was not put on this earth to please your every whim and fancy and nor do I have any intention of doing so. Take a break and mind your own silly businesses. You'd say you care for my well being and blah blah blah but figure out for yourself if you really do. If you did, you would not fancy showing me down or mocking me for my every little failure... It is like you are my boss or teacher and that I'm being watched for every little thing I do.

It is high time I take a detour from satisfying your egos...I am breaking free and I am my own boss for bad or  good. That is it! From here on forward, I am going to be responsible for my life. You do not have to watch out for me or provide me with a protective cushion laced with eternal guilt and non-stop judging to prevent me from taking the much dreaded fall. I think I can handle it; As a matter of fact, I can,very well.

Do not advice me if I do not ask for it. Is it so very hard to decipher that? I am not using any alien language I presume. Step away from my life. All of you.

I am done!!

Sorry doesn't cut!

Sometimes sorry does not cut it! As simple as that. Why do people make mistakes and think a simple sorry would make everything normal? Wake up people, it is not how stuff works.A mistake of such magnitude and a simple sorry to compensate...my deepest apologies my dear, that is not how you make amends, atleast not with me.

I would understand if you've made a new mistake and tried to make amends for it but come on, you repeat this mistake over and over again and expect me to forgive. I don't think it qualifies for forgiveness. I know it is human to err and divine to forgive but who says I wish to be god. Now you'd say I'm over reacting. You're damn right I am. I am the way I am because you pushed me to my limits and my patience is wearing thin.

Hope this appeal to you makes at least a li'l sense to you about the state of mind I am in.

God bless and peace be with you!

Dear dad

So why is it that our parents try to protect us from all things bad? The obvious reason would be because they love us. Yes, they do... but for you to grow and learn, it is very important to experience everything however bad or good it is. Maybe, once I become a parent, I might also shield my little one from the negative experiences of the world. Alas, it is not how things work... the universe has a different way of communicating  things....if a certain message has to reach you, it will reach you no matter what!

There is a valid reason for me to dwell upon these thoughts. Very recently, my dad who loves me the most, has hidden certain things from getting my attention. I know he was just being a loving dad wanting to protect his baby girl but dad please know that you cannot save me from experiencing certain things, however hard you try. My plea for you is not to quit trying to protect me but please help me educate myself in facing the big bad world.

I love you immensely dad. I know that you were just trying to be there for me in your own sweet way but your way of dealing with my problems and hiding stuff from me is hurting me. Please let me handle the situations my way and if I'm unable to, you know that I will ultimately come back to you...but please do give me a chance. That is all I ask for!

Love
Your daughter

Turning 26 and more!!

So I've turned 26 recently and whoa it feels weird to be 26....there is this impending feeling of doom and I was reminiscing what all these 26 years encompassed for me and honestly,it was a bag of mixed emotions....I've learnt to love, forego love and fall in love again, not necessarily with people this tym :)....Met people who were phenomenal and  also saw people I knew all along in a new light...So yeah, I've lived an eventful 26 yrs!

I was introspecting on how I want my life to be from now on. I know for sure that I am not perfect but at least I can get as near to it as possible. Hence, Ive come up with a list of things-to-do before I turn 27 next aug!

Here it goes:
 1.Exercise

2.Write a diary

3.Take up singing

4.Meditate

5.Pescetarian

6.Be a Workaholic

7.Speak less, listen more

8.Dress smart & simple

9.Make time for a hobby

10.    Plan everything

11.    Spend wisely

12.    Save money

13.    Do things yourself, no dependency

14.    Be genuine in what you do

15.  Always follow your heartfelt values

16.       Do good things for people without expecting something in return for yourself.

17.       Read

18.       Make time for NGO & Charity

19.       Make time to establish contacts

20.       Make time for prayer and god

21.    Be honest in your dealings with yourself and with others

22.    Be modest

23.    Explore places

24.    Practice good manners

25.    Cook and feed J

26.    Forgive and move on

Currently, Ive taken couple of things seriously and have taken up exercising...I seriously need to shed at least 8kilos before I attend my kid sisters wedding this coming Nov...

So Im gonna keep track of my things to do and will see how this coming year will turn out for me...so stay tuned!